I'm Tired...

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Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:23:12 GMT

Somewhere in the Between

1. We Will Fall Together
They're coming after all of us with everything they've got,
With the fury of a soldier who will answer to his God.
So how will we fight? All we have is logic and love on our side.

2. Down, Down, Down to Mephisto's Cafe
So fuck the flocks of sheep that keep amassing masses
Asses being led so far astray.
And I won't claim to believe the things I read,
Black books or agenda magazine.
I'd rather see in shades of gray.

3. Would You Be Impressed?
I had a dream last night where everyone was trying,
Subconsciously I knew it was a lie.
And when I woke I knew it was time to pray,
To make amends before the end, before my judgment day.
I looked around, I stood alone, I knew what I had to say
I said "It's all my fault!"

4. One Foot on the Gas, One Foot in the Grave
Little Miss Dismiss can't miss like a detuned radio,
I cannot believe you when you tell me what you know.
And nothing will be broken if your house is made of stone,
But you will know as I do it will never be a home.

5. Watch It Crash
That's all they came for, that's all they took.
That's all we had to offer, only dirty looks.
And when they realized we'd given all we could,
That's when they finally understood.
Mercy mercy mercy me,
Haunted by the memories of things we'll never see.
Guilty for the statements that we'll never get to speak.
Mercy mercy me.

6. Somewhere in the Between
You had a love and that love had you,
And nothing mattered, you were fine.
And some will complain, they're just bitter, what a shame.
They know that loving and losing is better than nothing at all.

7. Forty Days
I've tasted seven sins, so they won't let me in.
I knock knock knock until my knuckles are bruised and raw,
Stuck in the middle with my blood in a puddle on the floor.
We made our beds, we'll judge ourselves,
And only then and there will we disappear to our final resting place.
What a waste!
So many decent people at the gates.

8. The Blonde Lead the Blind
Soon everyone will see, and everyone will know,
That the things we hid were irrelevant and it's all just part of the show.
And the blemishes and scars that made us who we are,
We're told to cover up, but we've taken enough.
And we're not going to stop until it's taken apart.

9. The Receiving End of It All
One to one, two to dance, we all get our sweet romance.
Though sour grapes will turn to wine its all just vinegar with time.
And oh, I want to know, we all want to know,
How can anybody treat somebody so?

10. What a Wicked Gang Are We
Oh! The Shame! Humility! What a wicked gang are we!
Like a liar looking down on a thief looking down on a killer looking down on a creep.
Oh! This sinking ship will only hold its course for just so long.
Eventually, that's when they'll see everything is wrong.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:46:36 GMT

She called me late last night, to say she loved me so
It didn't matter anymore,
I say she never cared
And that she never will,
I'd do it all again
I guess I'll have to wait until then

And if I get drunk well, I'll pass out
On the floor now baby
You won't bother me no more
And if you're drinkin' well, you know
That you're my friend and I say
I think I'll have myself a beer

She called me late last night, to say she loved me so
but I guess you changed her mind.
Well I should have known, it wouldn't be all right,
but I can't live without her
So I won't even try...

And if I get drunk well, I'll pass out
On the floor now baby
You won't bother me no more
And if you're drinkin' well, you know
That you're my friend and I say
I think I'll have myself a beer

Maybe some day, I'll think of what to say
Maybe next time I'll remember what to do
She looks like heaven, maybe this is hell
Said she'd do it all again, she'd promise not to tell!

And if I get drunk well, I'll pass out
On the floor now baby
You won't bother me no more
she said,
it's okay boy cause you know
we'll be good friends and I say
I think I'll have myself a beer
I think I'll have myself a...
Woohoo...
yeah yeah yeah
woohoohoo

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:55:52 GMT

I had a dream.
About a girl.
It was nice.
Too bad.
It couldn't be reality.

Boredom

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:26:29 GMT

Everything Goes Numb

1. Everything Went Numb
The story doesn't here
Don't fear for our hero ain't near the end, my friend.

2. That'll Be the Day
Gone! Everybody's crying
Now you're gone
And everybody's missing you;
From apathy to sympathy
This new found love is new to me
and I can hear you laughing in your grave
Everyone's forgiven
Now we're saved
Everybody's sins absolved
What's the point denying?
When we all know we're lying to ourselves.

3. Point/Counterpoint
Trust me, I've been there before
I would not wish it upon my greatest enemy
What irony! Once friends, but I find
You have to learn this lesson on your own.

4. If and When We Rise Again
And please excuse my enemies
I think they do not know
That I will gladly self-destruct if they leave me alone
Friend, that's the end of us
'Cause your way behind on empathy and overdue on trust.

5. Better Place/ Better Time
Annie's tired of forgetting about today
And always planning for tomorrow
Annie says "The saddest day I came across
Was when I learned that life goes on without me"
Annie says "If every one has someone else,
Then I ain't got nobody's love to save me"
Annie says "I think I'll pass away tonight,
'Cause it seems I'll never get it right if its just me."

6. We Are the Few
Well I don't care if you sink or swim
And I don't care how you hold it in
As long as you don't bother me with all the things I don't bother you with
and 9 times out of 10 you might be right
but what about the time you know you're wrong?

7. Failing, Flailing
So you say your life's a bore
And I can't quite disagree
When you judges your life
by the pieces of shit that inhabit your TV
'Cause they stand so proud, and they talk so loud
And every other word is a lie I've found
And anyone who is anyone is a waste of time.

8. Here's to Life
Vincent Van Gogh, why do you weep?
You were on your way to heaven but the road was steep
And who was there to break your fall?
We're guilty, One and All.

9. A Moment of Silence
I never met a loser that I didn't see eye-to-eye with, I declare
I stare into your eyes, but you look right past me into the air.

10. A Moment of Violence
I don't sleep anymore,
I gave it up,
Because what we do is not enough
And now they're calling out our bluffs
Have you done a single thing for some else?
Or do you take, take, take until your belly is stuffed?

11. The Saddest Song
Stop!
"Look and you will see" is what I think she said to me
I'm not too sure because it could have easily been a million things
But I don't know what she said,
I still don't know what she said.
It's been years since I've see her face
14 years were just erased.
If my life was your life, would you ever take it back?

12. The Big Sleep
And as you close your eyes for the big sleep
I hope you think of me
And if you go, I'll be gone
And you'll be left to live your live, as you please
But someday you'll agree
That I was always meant for you
And you were always meant for me,
Any you will see...
That you're impossible.
You're impossible.
You're impossible.
You're impossible.

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:48:33 GMT

Everybody's laughing like there's no tomorrow and even if there was,
would you still go following your friends?
I don't know where we went wrong,
We're still singing those same sad songs
"It's my life, not your life, I'll end it when I want"

aAnd now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
But he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

And it's the saddest song you'll ever hear
The most pain you will ever feel
But you grit your teeth because it don't get better than this (know this)
And you'll try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
And you can't think of anything that you would change

Stop!
"Look and you will see" is what I think she said to me
I'm not too sure because it could have easily been a million things
but i don't know what she said
I still don't know what she said
It's been years since I've seen her face, 14 years were just erased
if my life was your life, would you ever take it back?

And now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
but he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

Yeah, you will try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
and you can't think of anything that you would change

And now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
but he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

And it's the saddest song you'll ever hear
The most pain you will ever feel
But you grit your teeth because it don't get better than this (know this)
And you'll try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
And you can't think of anything that you would change

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:08:45 GMT

Dear Mr. Gepetto:
I hope this finds you well
I wrote you this letter
Because we miss you here in hell

Well now I know it's hard when you don't know what to think
and every single smile is a foil and you're waking up
You might try but you won't get by until you're crucified for all the things you try to do
Well I don't care if you sink or swim
and I don't care how you hold it in
As long as you don't bother me with all the things i don't bother you with
and 9 times out of 10 you might be right
but what about that time you know you're wrong?
You sing that same song
and everybody smiles but they'll never get along

I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying to let go:
But everybody's going down tonight

We are the few that won't say nothing right
We are the footsteps fading into the night
Nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and I say:
I never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and I don't know where we went wrong
All I know now is I got to do something right

Come clean
no one should have have to live with the things you've seen
but you're living anyway
so can't stop the car and put her in park
and I step outside (god Ihate this part)
When I see what I saw what I thought was a life that was more
than a chore and just doing what I need to get by
I don't care if you leave or stay
but you might as well split
because it's not the same as it was
when we said our last goodbye
And if you want the truth: I was hoping one of us would pass away
because it'd be much easier then
We would all get together and think about when
We were young we were dumb we were numb but in love
and I'm done so I'm sending out this letter today

i'm trying and i'm trying and i'm trying and i'm trying to let go:
but everybody's going down tonight

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and i don't know where we went wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

This has been the best night of my life
This has been the best night of my life
I could have lost my life
and I would have lost my mind
but now I'm fine
and I find
that this has been the best night of my life
This has been the best night of my life
(I still can't believe they had the heart to apologize)
This has been the best night of my life
(I still can't believe they had the heart to apologize)
I could have lost my life
and I would have lost my mind
but now I'm fine
and i find
that this has been the best night of my life

and as the day fades
no one investigates
nobody answers as she calls his name
another victim, somewhere in a shallow grave
i want to hold her and tell her: it's not your fault

na na na...

and as the day fades
no one investigates
nobody answers as she calls his name
another victim, somewhere in a shallow grave
i want to hold her and tell her: it's not your fault

na na na...
it's not your fault

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and i don't know where we went wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to me so i might as well be proud of it
and i know i've done something wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:22:25 GMT

I've been things about my friends lately. The ones I have. The ones I had. the ones I've wronged. The ones who've wronged me.

And I wish that I could have changed things.

Oh, and I'm done holding my breath.

Mess.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:01:45 GMT

Mess.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:49:33 GMT

'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love.
Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:17:25 GMT

Well, hello, how are you, why don’t you pull up a chair,
Won't you tell me your story cause I really do care about,
Talking, talking, talking away.

Here’s to me, to you, to us,
To everything hope it never falls apart,
And we're talking, talking, talking away.

Well you look so fine, and you seem so kind,
And I gotta say that I’m having a good time,
Dancing, dancing, dancing away.

Here’s, to me, to you, to us,
To everything I hope it never falls apart,
And we're dancing, dancing, dancing away.

Could things get any better now?
If they can, I cannot see how,
But as the time goes by, you stop and sigh,
You stop and sigh and then you wonder why.

I can’t stop the feeling as I’m walking away,
And I can never understand half the things you say,
And we're walking, walking, walking away.

So I said here’s to me, to you, to us,
To everything before it fell apart,
And we're walking, walking, walking away.

Things were better then,
You felt that you had to pretend,
But as the time goes by,
You stop and sigh,
You stop and sigh and then you wonder why.

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:00:42 GMT

Would you be the wind to blow me home
Would you be a dream
On the wings of a poem
And if we were walking through a crowd
Well you know I'd be proud

If you call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if we were walking
Down a dead end street
Would you be the one to let our eyes meet
Or would you just keep on walking
Down to the turn around
'cause you know I'd be proud

If you call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if I was gone from the land we know
Would you be the dawn
And let your beauty still show
And if you were walking
And heard the cold night coming
Would you call my name
'cause you know I'd come running

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:26:11 GMT

Done.

Pssh.

Enjoying new Weezer

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:08:17 GMT

The moon was shining on the lake at night
The slayer T-shirt fit the scene just right
Your smeared mascara
I looked into your eyes and saw a light

You told me stories about your chickadees
They didn’t like BB guns or stupid archery
And Shaun the lifeguard
He let them use the pool all day for free

Then the conversation stopped
And I looked down at my feet
I was next to you and you were right there next to me
Then I said

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to
So make them move (make them move)
cause I ain’t got all night

The rest of the summer was the best we’ve ever had
We watched titanic and it didn’t make us sad
I took you to (flash back?)
You took me home to meet your mom and dad

Your mom cooked meat loaf, even though I don’t eat meat
I dug you so much, I took some for the team
Your dad was silent His eyes were fixed to what was on TV

And the conversation stopped, and I looked down at the ring
Your folks were next to you
And you were right there next to me
And I said

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it's true)
Without you my heart is blue
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
cause I ain’t got all night

So much pain may come our way
There may come a day when we have nothing left to say

When the conversation stops and we’re facing our defeat
I’ll be next to you and you’ll be right there next to me
Then I’ll say

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it's true)
Without you my heart is blue ooooooh
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
Cause I ain’t got all night

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:29:26 GMT

On the cusp of restarting my education.

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 21:48:05 GMT

They come from every state to find
Some dreams were meant to be declined
Tell the man what did you have in mind
What have you come to do

No turning water into wine
No learning while you're in the line
I'll take you to the broken sign
You see these lights are blue

Come and get it
Lost it at the city limit
Say goodbye
'Cause they will find a way to trim it
Everybody
Lookin' for a silly gimmick
Gotta get away
Can't take it for another minute

This town is made of many things
Just look at what the current brings
So high it's only promising
This place was made on you

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that hard to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Some claim to have the fortitude
Too shrewd to blow the interlude
Sustaining pain to set a mood
Step out to be renewed

I'll move you like a baritone
Jungle Brothers on the microphone
Getting over with an undertone
It's time to turn to stone

Chitty chitty baby
When your nose is in the nitty gritty
Life could be a little sweet
But life could be a little shitty
What a pity
Boston and a Kansas city
Looking for a hundred
But you only ever found a fifty

Three fingers in the honeycomb
You ring just like a xylophone
Devoted to the chromosome
The day that you left home

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that hard to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that far to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Food For Thought

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 01:51:21 GMT

"He who lives on hope will die fasting."
~Benjamin Franklin

Thoughts?
Reactions?

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:00:02 GMT

Warped tour was excellent. It really lifted my spirits. I got to meet all of Big D and the Kid's Table, got their autographs, and got a t-shirt. David McWane, Big D's front man, was a fan of my Marvel shirt. He was pointing at all different people on it and saying things like "That's Spider-Woman, right?" or "What? No Wolverine? Oh wait, there he is." It was pretty awesome, he's one of my idols. They're coming back in October, and I plan on seeing them.

I also got to see Streetlight Manifesto play, which was equally as awesome. : )

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:04:25 GMT

I miss the feel of another heart beat.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:08:24 GMT

I don't know what to think anymore.

Updates

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:45:05 GMT

I'm re-applying to Middlesex to continuing engineering in the fall.

I'm getting a decent amount of hours at work, so I'm actually starting to make money. I'm saving up either to fix the van, or get a new car.

My D & D game had been going well.

But for the most part, things have kinda sucked lately.

Work is either dead or fucking busy. And people are stupider than ever.

I think I'm coming to the realization that its probably never gonna happen. I guess I'm okay with it, but I'm having a huge problem just dropping 10 years of feelings. its confusing as hell, and it makes it difficult to be around you. Sorry if I've seemed cold or a jerk lately :-/

I'm truly happy for both of them. Them seem to fit together well. I know that I was young, poor, stupid and without direction. And I made a lot of mistakes. And I'm for the most part over her, but it kinda hurts to see her doing so well with the one after. But like i said, I'm am happy for them.

I'm pretty sure a girl at work attempted to ask me on a "date." Whereas it would be cool to go see Les Claypool, I don't think I'm really that into her. Its not that I don't like her. She's cool for the most part, and not ugly. But I think we have a lot of different outlooks on life; too many to be any more than friends.

I sleep less than 4 hours a night. I wake up every 45 minutes. I have trouble getting back to sleep.

And all that as just driven me deeper into the arms of nicotine. I'm smoking more than ever. Like a fucking chimney. I'm back up to (and probably past) a pack a day. I'm starting to develop a really bad cough, and its not good for work.

Oh, and I have some sort of weird rash on my leg. I think it might poison oak. I've pretty much contained it, an it hasn't spread.

scream

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:23:40 GMT

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 23:27:16 GMT

Today has sucked.
Work was painful. It was so slow for about an hour, then we were slammed til close. 90% of the people were fucking assholes that don't know how to order their drinks. (If you don't know that venti=large and tall=small, then say you want a fucking large. Don't order a tall and then get pissed at me. And also, most drinks are HOT as a standard. If you want your dink ICED, fucking ask for it that way, and half the time we fucking ask you if you want it hot, and you say sure. Pay the fuck attention to people when they ask you questions. Especially if you plan on ingesting anything they are giving you.)
I poured about 25 ounces of 170 degree milk down my leg and into my shoe. Very fucking uncomfortable.
I was semi-harassed by these 2 homeless people today. Don't get me wrong, they're very nice people. But they've been taking advantage of the small help that me and a few other people at work have offered them.
The tiniest things just tipped me over the edge today.
Only 2 things have kept me sane today. Niccotine and :-).

Thanks to Shawn, Andrew's roommate, for informing me about this band's existance

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:37:41 GMT

A coma might feel better than this,
attempting to discover where to begin.
You're weighed down, you're full of something.
Of sickness, and desertion.
You're weighed down, you're full of something,
you're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

Hoping a better place is all I need,
with moments of innocence and mystery.
Oh, it's the little things you miss.
Like waking up all alone.
Oh, it's the little things you miss,
when you're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

All your friends seem like enemies
when you're broken down and empty.
All your friends seem like enemies
when you're broken down and empty.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 06:01:42 GMT

I feel like a retard.

And I'm not sure what to do about this.

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 07:15:38 GMT

You told me that your 20 years have gone by much too fast
And you've been hoping this year will be better than the last
You said you've been waging a war against the loneliest of nights
With the strongest drinks and longest lines
It's not that big of a surprise
That you're feeling more dead than alive
You're feeling more dead than alive

So I'll let you know
If you need, somewhere to go
I'll be listening when you call
And I'll be there if you fall off
If you need someone to believe in you,
I'll let you know I will

You said the hole in your head has gotten bigger than the hole that's in your chest
And you're stuck between the past and the present tense
You said you've been waging a war against so many years of lies
With stronger drinks and longer lines
It's not that big a surprise
That you're feeling more dead than alive
You're feeling more dead than alive

So I'll let you know
If you need, somewhere to go
I'll be listening when you call
And I'll be there if you fall off
If you need someone to believe in,
I'll let you know I will