I'm Tired...

Everybody's laughing like there's no tomorrow and even if there was,
would you still go following your friends?
I don't know where we went wrong,
We're still singing those same sad songs
"It's my life, not your life, I'll end it when I want"

aAnd now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
But he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

And it's the saddest song you'll ever hear
The most pain you will ever feel
But you grit your teeth because it don't get better than this (know this)
And you'll try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
And you can't think of anything that you would change

Stop!
"Look and you will see" is what I think she said to me
I'm not too sure because it could have easily been a million things
but i don't know what she said
I still don't know what she said
It's been years since I've seen her face, 14 years were just erased
if my life was your life, would you ever take it back?

And now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
but he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

Yeah, you will try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
and you can't think of anything that you would change

And now I'm off to save the world once again
but I don't know how I'll pull it off this time
I think I'm going to drown
Now he's off to save the world once again
but he don't know how he'll pull it off this time
I just know I'm going to drown

And it's the saddest song you'll ever hear
The most pain you will ever feel
But you grit your teeth because it don't get better than this (know this)
And you'll try to explain as the blood leaves all your veins
And you can't think of anything that you would change

Dear Mr. Gepetto:
I hope this finds you well
I wrote you this letter
Because we miss you here in hell

Well now I know it's hard when you don't know what to think
and every single smile is a foil and you're waking up
You might try but you won't get by until you're crucified for all the things you try to do
Well I don't care if you sink or swim
and I don't care how you hold it in
As long as you don't bother me with all the things i don't bother you with
and 9 times out of 10 you might be right
but what about that time you know you're wrong?
You sing that same song
and everybody smiles but they'll never get along

I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying to let go:
But everybody's going down tonight

We are the few that won't say nothing right
We are the footsteps fading into the night
Nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and I say:
I never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and I don't know where we went wrong
All I know now is I got to do something right

Come clean
no one should have have to live with the things you've seen
but you're living anyway
so can't stop the car and put her in park
and I step outside (god Ihate this part)
When I see what I saw what I thought was a life that was more
than a chore and just doing what I need to get by
I don't care if you leave or stay
but you might as well split
because it's not the same as it was
when we said our last goodbye
And if you want the truth: I was hoping one of us would pass away
because it'd be much easier then
We would all get together and think about when
We were young we were dumb we were numb but in love
and I'm done so I'm sending out this letter today

i'm trying and i'm trying and i'm trying and i'm trying to let go:
but everybody's going down tonight

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and i don't know where we went wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

This has been the best night of my life
This has been the best night of my life
I could have lost my life
and I would have lost my mind
but now I'm fine
and I find
that this has been the best night of my life
This has been the best night of my life
(I still can't believe they had the heart to apologize)
This has been the best night of my life
(I still can't believe they had the heart to apologize)
I could have lost my life
and I would have lost my mind
but now I'm fine
and i find
that this has been the best night of my life

and as the day fades
no one investigates
nobody answers as she calls his name
another victim, somewhere in a shallow grave
i want to hold her and tell her: it's not your fault

na na na...

and as the day fades
no one investigates
nobody answers as she calls his name
another victim, somewhere in a shallow grave
i want to hold her and tell her: it's not your fault

na na na...
it's not your fault

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it
and i don't know where we went wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

we are the few that won't say nothing right
we are the footsteps fading into the night
nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction and i say:
i never wanted this, no one ever wanted this
but they gave it to me so i might as well be proud of it
and i know i've done something wrong
all i know now is i got to do something right

I've been things about my friends lately. The ones I have. The ones I had. the ones I've wronged. The ones who've wronged me.


And I wish that I could have changed things.



Oh, and I'm done holding my breath.

Mess.

'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love.
Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, hello, how are you, why don’t you pull up a chair,
Won't you tell me your story cause I really do care about,
Talking, talking, talking away.

Here’s to me, to you, to us,
To everything hope it never falls apart,
And we're talking, talking, talking away.

Well you look so fine, and you seem so kind,
And I gotta say that I’m having a good time,
Dancing, dancing, dancing away.

Here’s, to me, to you, to us,
To everything I hope it never falls apart,
And we're dancing, dancing, dancing away.

Could things get any better now?
If they can, I cannot see how,
But as the time goes by, you stop and sigh,
You stop and sigh and then you wonder why.

I can’t stop the feeling as I’m walking away,
And I can never understand half the things you say,
And we're walking, walking, walking away.

So I said here’s to me, to you, to us,
To everything before it fell apart,
And we're walking, walking, walking away.

Things were better then,
You felt that you had to pretend,
But as the time goes by,
You stop and sigh,
You stop and sigh and then you wonder why.

Done.

Pssh.

The moon was shining on the lake at night
The slayer T-shirt fit the scene just right
Your smeared mascara
I looked into your eyes and saw a light

You told me stories about your chickadees
They didn’t like BB guns or stupid archery
And Shaun the lifeguard
He let them use the pool all day for free

Then the conversation stopped
And I looked down at my feet
I was next to you and you were right there next to me
Then I said

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to
So make them move (make them move)
cause I ain’t got all night

The rest of the summer was the best we’ve ever had
We watched titanic and it didn’t make us sad
I took you to (flash back?)
You took me home to meet your mom and dad

Your mom cooked meat loaf, even though I don’t eat meat
I dug you so much, I took some for the team
Your dad was silent His eyes were fixed to what was on TV

And the conversation stopped, and I looked down at the ring
Your folks were next to you
And you were right there next to me
And I said

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it's true)
Without you my heart is blue
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
cause I ain’t got all night

So much pain may come our way
There may come a day when we have nothing left to say

When the conversation stops and we’re facing our defeat
I’ll be next to you and you’ll be right there next to me
Then I’ll say

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it's true)
Without you my heart is blue ooooooh
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
Cause I ain’t got all night

On the cusp of restarting my education.

They come from every state to find
Some dreams were meant to be declined
Tell the man what did you have in mind
What have you come to do

No turning water into wine
No learning while you're in the line
I'll take you to the broken sign
You see these lights are blue

Come and get it
Lost it at the city limit
Say goodbye
'Cause they will find a way to trim it
Everybody
Lookin' for a silly gimmick
Gotta get away
Can't take it for another minute

This town is made of many things
Just look at what the current brings
So high it's only promising
This place was made on you

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that hard to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Some claim to have the fortitude
Too shrewd to blow the interlude
Sustaining pain to set a mood
Step out to be renewed

I'll move you like a baritone
Jungle Brothers on the microphone
Getting over with an undertone
It's time to turn to stone

Chitty chitty baby
When your nose is in the nitty gritty
Life could be a little sweet
But life could be a little shitty
What a pity
Boston and a Kansas city
Looking for a hundred
But you only ever found a fifty

Three fingers in the honeycomb
You ring just like a xylophone
Devoted to the chromosome
The day that you left home

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that hard to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Tell me baby what's your story
Where you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
Tell me lover are you lonely
The thing we need is
Never all that far to find oh
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time oh
You're so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

"He who lives on hope will die fasting."
~Benjamin Franklin

Thoughts?
Reactions?

Warped tour was excellent. It really lifted my spirits. I got to meet all of Big D and the Kid's Table, got their autographs, and got a t-shirt. David McWane, Big D's front man, was a fan of my Marvel shirt. He was pointing at all different people on it and saying things like "That's Spider-Woman, right?" or "What? No Wolverine? Oh wait, there he is." It was pretty awesome, he's one of my idols. They're coming back in October, and I plan on seeing them.

I also got to see Streetlight Manifesto play, which was equally as awesome. : )

I miss the feel of another heart beat.

I don't know what to think anymore.

I'm re-applying to Middlesex to continuing engineering in the fall.

I'm getting a decent amount of hours at work, so I'm actually starting to make money. I'm saving up either to fix the van, or get a new car.

My D & D game had been going well.

But for the most part, things have kinda sucked lately.

Work is either dead or fucking busy. And people are stupider than ever.

I think I'm coming to the realization that its probably never gonna happen. I guess I'm okay with it, but I'm having a huge problem just dropping 10 years of feelings. its confusing as hell, and it makes it difficult to be around you. Sorry if I've seemed cold or a jerk lately :-/

I'm truly happy for both of them. Them seem to fit together  well. I know that I was young, poor, stupid and without direction. And I made a lot of mistakes. And I'm for the most part over her, but it kinda hurts to see her doing so well with the one after. But like i said, I'm am happy for them.

I'm pretty sure a girl at work attempted to ask me on a "date." Whereas it would be cool to go see Les Claypool, I don't think I'm really that into her. Its not that I don't like her. She's cool for the most part, and not ugly. But I think we have a lot of different outlooks on life; too many to be any more than friends.

I sleep less than 4 hours a night. I wake up every 45 minutes. I have trouble getting back to sleep.

And all that as just driven me deeper into the arms of nicotine. I'm smoking more than ever. Like a fucking chimney. I'm back up to (and probably past) a pack a day. I'm starting to develop a really bad cough, and its not good for work.

Oh, and I have some sort of weird rash on my leg. I think it might poison oak. I've pretty much contained it, an it hasn't spread.

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Today has sucked.
Work was painful. It was so slow for about an hour, then we were slammed til close. 90% of the people were fucking assholes that don't know how to order their drinks. (If you don't know that venti=large and tall=small, then say you want a fucking large. Don't order a tall and then get pissed at me. And also, most drinks are HOT as a standard. If you want your dink ICED, fucking ask for it that way, and half the time we fucking ask you if you want it hot, and you say sure. Pay the fuck attention to people when they ask you questions. Especially if you plan on ingesting anything they are giving you.)
I poured about 25 ounces of 170 degree milk down my leg and into my shoe. Very fucking uncomfortable.
I was semi-harassed by these 2 homeless people today. Don't get me wrong, they're very nice people. But they've been taking advantage of the small help that me and a few other people at work have offered them.
The tiniest things just tipped me over the edge today.
Only 2 things have kept me sane today. Niccotine and :-).

A coma might feel better than this,
attempting to discover where to begin.
You're weighed down, you're full of something.
Of sickness, and desertion.
You're weighed down, you're full of something,
you're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

Hoping a better place is all I need,
with moments of innocence and mystery.
Oh, it's the little things you miss.
Like waking up all alone.
Oh, it's the little things you miss,
when you're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

All your friends seem like enemies
when you're broken down and empty.
All your friends seem like enemies
when you're broken down and empty.

So say goodbye to love,
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
we're all just waiting, waiting to die.

I feel like a retard.

And I'm not sure what to do about this.